this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
