I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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