what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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