Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
