I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
