i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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