I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize