If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
