i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
