do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
