he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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