Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
