Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
