so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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