i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
