You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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