No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drake has all the answers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
