By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wanna go halves on a baby?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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