You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
