I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
