Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my poor anus
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
