I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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