I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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