cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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