It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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