dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
