I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
