pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
