i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
