Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
