At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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