mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
