I like my sex mixed with concussions.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
