Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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