oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
