is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
