We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
