I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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