I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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