oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
