Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
