My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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