Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
