Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dignity is for republicans.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
