come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
