i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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