we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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