I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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