he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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