hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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