He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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