I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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