oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found your dick twin last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
