Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
