Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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