He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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