I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
