it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
