even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
