all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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