At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
