Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
