What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
