last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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