What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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