no, he came in my armpit
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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