morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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