the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
