I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
