the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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