So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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