my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
