Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
