why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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